lotrI've really been swamped lately, so much so that my mental prowess has been spiraling vertically...downwards. In Computer Studies today, I kept clicking the paste button on my word document, thinking that it was the save button...laugh, you ought to. *sigh* Seems to me lately that it's important to shake yourself and just laugh about something, anything, just to keep yourself from breaking down.
My mom's away again for 3 weeks which is dreadful, for both of us. Returning home everyday from the hellish boot camp called high school, one really need some powerful muse, something to draw love, inspiration and hope from. And my mother is all I have. What can I say: I love her, more than anything or anyone in my life. And no one inspires me like her. I have seen with these tainted eyes the horrendous trials that have dogged our steps, most especially my mother's - and looking at where she is now, I know she is nothing short of extraordinary.
Mommy's girl: I know. Not like I have a father. Ain't ashamed. So bugger off. No, don't. Or at least read the rest of my post before you do :)
Being alone with my thoughts is a very scary prospect for me. But it is enlightening even though it leaves me feeling drained, vulnerable.
And like a drowning young lad, when you finally emerge with a gasp from the swirling abyss of your thoughts, and the cold stabbing wind of change and the reality of the world sweeps in - you feel it: The cruel scalding heat that burns your very soul - the feeling of being lost. Lost, lonely, afraid. Afraid of the workings of the world that, sometimes, seem to deliberately plot your downfall.
" ‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo. ― ‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’ " - ‘The Lord of the Rings’, Book I, Chapter 2.
(this is a little excerpt from my doodle diary)
Ai! Ilya ná lá vanwa...
